Thursday, April 29, 2010

Get Lost.

Tonight I went out for run. I set out with music in my ears and a lightness to my step. I was ready to run for awhile, but I didn't think I'd be gone for an hour. I got lost. I was running on curved streets that I'd never seen before with an eerie mist floating around me. It was ten o'clock at night, and I was a little scared. I didn't know what else to do, so I just kept running. My feet pounded the wet streets one after the other in a sporadic rhythm. My eyes started to play tricks on me, but I just kept going, keeping faith that I'd be fine. Well, just like everything does, my situation got worked out. I ended up on a street that I was familiar with and was able to make my way back. And isn't that how life goes? Corny, I know, but really. Every time you get lost, if you just keep faith, things can will work themselves out, and you'll end up right where you need to be.


Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Do Work.

Literally. Just did homework. I finished that paper. I know I was going to have in by Monday, but I've been extremely busy. So!

Tomorrow:
Class 10:30-2:30
Work 2:30-6:00
Study 6:15- 11:45

But tonight, went to small group, went to Target, fixed sunglasses, painted nails, anddd online shopped at Urban Outfitters. If anyone feels like it, they could me a lot of money to spend there. I would not mind.

Here's a little Bible verse that I will leave you with for the night. It's my name's spiritual verse =)

"Early the next morning the army of Judah went out into the wilderness of Tekoa. On the way Jehoshaphat stopped and said, "Listen to me, all you people of Judah and Jerusalem! Believe in the LORD your God, and you will be able to stand firm. Believe in his prophets, and you will succeed."
- 2 Chronicles 20:20




P.S. Last night. One of THE most bizarre nights of my life. And I've had a lot of odd nights.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

April Showers Bring May Flowers


This was my beautiful ride home.




This is what happens when Derek and I take pictures and he doesn't cooperate. But I still really love him. A lot.








This is what happens when I do my homework on the floor. Harold Hufflepuff Hopkins tickles my arms and face with his tongue and chews off my leather necklace. Good things he's cute.

Clouds That Weep

190 miles. Twice a weekend. 4 out of the last 5 weekends. This is a lot of miles. Throughout the past nine months, I've made this drive quite a few times, but never as many consecutive weekends as this last month or so. All of those miles are interstate miles. The same road every time. You would think this would get boring, staring at the same scenery over and over, hour after hour. But I love it, especially in the spring.

The first of four weekends, the ground was still covered in snow. The fields were white, pure and untouched by the dirt underneath. The sun glittered across meadows and and frost clung to sleepy tree branches. All of the roadside ponds were frozen into a color that looked more like a Caribbean sea than the mud-soaked pothole that they were. The wild life was scarce, but it was beautiful.

The next weekend things began to thaw. The snow that had been so bright and clean began to show signs of the earth underneath. The roadside lakes stayed frozen their stunning teal. But the most spectacular part of this scene was the birds. The birds came in flocks by the hundreds, thousands! They flew high above the ground, and were merely tiny silhouettes whose wings flapped wildly against the biting wind, and it was beautiful.

The third weekend came after a one week break. The snow was almost fully melted, save the few deposits of brown mud that were yet to turn to water. The trees were completely bare and looked desperately sad, alone in the fields. The birds that had returned from the heated south were now hiding out from the crisp air that wasn't quite sun soaked enough to keep them warm. All of the ditches and and fields were empty and colorless. They blended into the sides of the roads and I felt like I was driving down an empty plane. Like a coordinate on a graph, I was barely aware of my surroundings.

But today's ride home was by far my favorite. Over the past week the sky has been using the air as a straw to suck up all of the extra water. This water has been collecting and filling up the tear ducts of the atmosphere, just waiting for something that would cause the tears to fall. Today that trigger was pulled. Whether it was something happy or sad, I'll never know, but the clouds were ready to weep. There were times when the clouds were sobbing, forcing heavy drops to fall rapidly, making it difficult to see. There were also times when the sky seemed to be simply teary eyed, just small droplets running down my windshield. When the world had returned from its state of either pure happiness or true sadness, everything was calm. The grass had gone from the dull yellow color of in between living and dieing to emerald green of exuberant life. The fields transformed from a dry, cracked, light tan to a rich brown the color of dark roasted coffee. The sky kept its stony gray after the rain quit, and the contrast of sky and grass was beautiful.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Balanced.

Just in case you were wondering, I succeeded at my to-do list yesterday. I did my history letter, e-mailed my professor (I can turn in that paper still for full credit!), went for a run/did ab workout, and crossed everything off.

Today, not so much. Today I felt a little lopsided. It was the kind of day when my brain was filled with heavy thoughts that caused my head to tip forward with their weight. My heart was sinking quickly with all of the emotions that have been building up for days. Even my eyes were downcast and not seeing as clearly, for fear that they would see something that would add to the weight the rest of my body felt. I don't like these kind of days.

But I like when they're turned around. Sometimes all it takes is for me to go to work. Today when I got to Centennial, it was 75 degrees with little wind. It was so beautiful that we couldn't stand to be inside for more than ten minutes. I was sitting on the swings, feeling the weight of my lopsided-ness in its entirety when I looked up to find two girls twirling around the bars. In the warm glow of the afternoon sunlight, I could only see a mess of hair, flying in all directions and getting more and more tangled by the second. My first thought was, Oh no, the moment they get off those swings, they'll be inside in the bathroom coming their hair and teasing it back into place. But then I actually thought about it. These aren't the girls that I see on campus every day. These aren't the girls that are baked golden brown, died bleach blond, and caked in layers of makeup. These are kids. Their clothes are always full of rock dust; their hair is always tangled, and every Thursday their fingertips and faces are a brilliant shade of Cheeto-orange. No matter how many times those boys fall and scrape their knees playing football, they are always up for another game. And those girls probably wouldn't even notice if they fell off the bars and cracked their heads open. (Unless they saw blood, then they'd scream.) Some of them live charmed lives with two loving parents and a safe home that's filled with love. Others are shuttled from mom to dad and back again multiple times a week. But it doesn't matter what their home life is like, or how bad of a day they had at school, the playground is a place where it all disappears. Here is where kids, and grown-ups alike, can find balance.

So after my eyes opened a little more, and I saw these two girls laugh and scream as they flipped and twisted, I felt a little lighter. I was seeing more clearly, and I could feel my head float back to it's normal position as my thoughts became lighter. My heart lifted, and suddenly all of my lopsided heaviness was gone. I felt balanced.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Hmm.

I am sitting here staring at my computer screen. I have been sitting here for 17 minutes exactly. Facebook, my e-mail, Pandora, and my blog are all tabs open on my window. None of these are my homework. None of these are going to help me get anything done tonight. Except my e-mail probably, I missed a due date for a paper by 3 weeks (definitely forgot about that one) so I had to ask if I can still get any credit. I love when that happens. So I'm sitting here listening to music, procrastinating. I have a to do list that flows over one page and on to the back of my blue lined paper. Two history letters, look at Calc homework, run/ab workout, swimsuit poster, put clothes away... Do you know what would be phenomenal? If I loved to do these things. If I loved to every single thing in this world, that I'm lucky enough to be able to do. Like college. So many can't afford it. And here I am, missing due dates and slacking on homework. Or running and people who can't. I am pretty blessed. Maybe someday I will love to sit down and do math problems or write letters to my parents about what life was like in China in the 1700's. Until then, I'll sit here and wish I could do these things:

Go snowboarding.


Go back to the Winnipeg Folk Festival.


Cuddle/Nap with you.




Read books in the bath tub.

Love.


My Derek.




My Best Friend







My Brother





Mis Padres.




These are not the newest pictures, but they are ones that I love. They are of people that I love.

Sometimes big things happen in life (obviously) and they make you rethink things. You take a step back and evaluate who and what it is that you truly cherish in life. The people that you would go to the end of the world and back for, and the things in your house you'd save from a fire. I know we're not meant to be materialistic, but really, I love those old photo albums and the old journals in my closet. Here's a short list of things that I love
  • talking on the phone all night
  • checking things off my list
  • being polite to strangers
  • helping people out
  • not doing things
  • working at FYC
  • playing raptor
  • my family
  • cuddling
  • music
  • yoga
That list could go on for days... the drive to see you, when you notice something that would make a really good picture but you don't have a camera so you take a mental picture, kissing you, watching my favorite shows: gossip girl, sunny in philly, housewives, sex and the city, the history channel, wine nights, walks around foreign places, etc, etc. I do believe in God and I love that. But! I must leave something to write about later.