Friday, April 23, 2010

Balanced.

Just in case you were wondering, I succeeded at my to-do list yesterday. I did my history letter, e-mailed my professor (I can turn in that paper still for full credit!), went for a run/did ab workout, and crossed everything off.

Today, not so much. Today I felt a little lopsided. It was the kind of day when my brain was filled with heavy thoughts that caused my head to tip forward with their weight. My heart was sinking quickly with all of the emotions that have been building up for days. Even my eyes were downcast and not seeing as clearly, for fear that they would see something that would add to the weight the rest of my body felt. I don't like these kind of days.

But I like when they're turned around. Sometimes all it takes is for me to go to work. Today when I got to Centennial, it was 75 degrees with little wind. It was so beautiful that we couldn't stand to be inside for more than ten minutes. I was sitting on the swings, feeling the weight of my lopsided-ness in its entirety when I looked up to find two girls twirling around the bars. In the warm glow of the afternoon sunlight, I could only see a mess of hair, flying in all directions and getting more and more tangled by the second. My first thought was, Oh no, the moment they get off those swings, they'll be inside in the bathroom coming their hair and teasing it back into place. But then I actually thought about it. These aren't the girls that I see on campus every day. These aren't the girls that are baked golden brown, died bleach blond, and caked in layers of makeup. These are kids. Their clothes are always full of rock dust; their hair is always tangled, and every Thursday their fingertips and faces are a brilliant shade of Cheeto-orange. No matter how many times those boys fall and scrape their knees playing football, they are always up for another game. And those girls probably wouldn't even notice if they fell off the bars and cracked their heads open. (Unless they saw blood, then they'd scream.) Some of them live charmed lives with two loving parents and a safe home that's filled with love. Others are shuttled from mom to dad and back again multiple times a week. But it doesn't matter what their home life is like, or how bad of a day they had at school, the playground is a place where it all disappears. Here is where kids, and grown-ups alike, can find balance.

So after my eyes opened a little more, and I saw these two girls laugh and scream as they flipped and twisted, I felt a little lighter. I was seeing more clearly, and I could feel my head float back to it's normal position as my thoughts became lighter. My heart lifted, and suddenly all of my lopsided heaviness was gone. I felt balanced.

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