Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Well, well

I haven't been here in awhile, and sadly there's nothing all too exciting to report in my absence. My boyfriend and I broke up, I worked at home all summer, and now I'm back at school. Nothing spectacular. It was a lot for me, but pretty boring for everyone else.

I am obsessed with Band of Horses. All of their songs have so much meaning in them. They're not just lame pop songs, but you can still sing along. Listening to them makes my heart hurt though. The last time that I listened to them was with my big brother and parents on our car trip to Washington and back. We played their cd at least 6 times on the combined four day trip. One of the memories that I hold close to me from that trip was driving through the western part of Montana and Idaho in the Rockies. Danny, my brother, was driving and I had just woken up from a nap. I opened my eyes to bright afternoon sunshine. Even the air in the car felt more crisp in the mountains. Danny and I just sat in the car, coasting through the twists and turns in silence.
Growing up, there was so much tension between us. I was always annoying and Danny was always angry so there were rarely moments of calm. It took years and many miles between us for us to finally get to a place where we can enjoy each other's company. My brother has spent the last four years of his life living in California. I get to see him twice a year, albeit for an extended period of time. When he first started coming home for a month in summer or over Christmas, I was always excited at first, but ready for him to leave by the end. Since then, we have become much closer and I am always ecstatic and surprised to wake up and see his Escape in the driveway. He always ends up coming home on a different day then planned, and each time I'm just as shocked as the visit before. And as time has gone by, I'm even sad to see him go. If you would have told me when I was 11 that I would cry when I watched his car drive away, I would have told you you were nuts. But that's what we've come to. And watching Danny's car drive away this last time was especially heart breaking. This time he didn't leave just for California, but for Thailand. My big brother and his good friend bought one way tickets to backpack around Thailand and the surrounding islands for a few months. He found his true love in the ocean and is surfing his way around the eastern hemisphere. He hopes to keep going until he runs out of money in Australia, so we'll see where he ends up. As happy as I am for him, I'm still concerned with his safety. I don't know how I turned into mama hen, but I did so every morning and night God listens to me worry myself silly for a good 10 minutes about Danny. So as I lie in my bed listening to "The Great Salt Lake" (and "The Funeral" and "No One's Gunna Love You" and every other song performed by Band of Horses) I am brought back to the peaceful moment I shared with Danny on our cross country trek. It took a long time for me to say this, but I miss my big brother.